Gender, Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation

To begin, I have a huge family. Often times the children and tweens in my family consider my home a safe haven. Needless to say, I always have children (covering all age ranges) over. One behavior that I have found myself correcting often is the children calling one another “fags” and or “gay.” I find them doing it every chance they get. If someone says something they feel is not masculine enough, they’re called “gay.” If someone shows emotions, like telling one another, “I love you before going to bed,” they’re called gay. I’m not sure where it has come from, if it’s something they do in school amongst their peers, but we have begun implementing consequences.

I have explained to the children that the terms they are using are offensive and should not be used because of the effects they can have on others. I try to have them understand how it feels to hear offensive terms used towards them. They often tell me that they are not meaning to be offensive and that they are playing around. For me though, it is important that they understand that their words will not always be taken lightly by people that are offended by them. I want them to understand the importance of respecting everyone at all times. Both in private and in public.

Farewell!

With each new course, I have grown to appreciate my colleagues and the many ways that they help me learn within each course. There are some that I turn to when I am unsure of exactly which angle I should take in answering questions. There are others to who provide so much valuable insight from perspectives I may not have otherwise considered. With each new class, I feel like I have grown to know you all personally to some extent. 

 To my colleagues, we've reached our adjourning phase, I wish you all much success in all that you do. For many of us, we have a lot on our plates. We’re working full time jobs, with families that depend on us and so many other things that are required of us, but we are almost at the finish line. I have faith that everyone will successfully complete this program and continue to live out their dreams. 

Continue to positively impact the children that you encounter, because in many cases, we are all these children have!! Take care and be blessed!

Team Building and Collaboration, Part I

As I think of the adjourning phase of groups, the thought of leaving a job comes to mind. Regardless of the field of work, when you work for a corporation, organization or whatever, you work as a part of a team. When a person has to leave that team for whatever reason, unless it is abrupt, there is an adjourning phase. Thus far in my life, I have had about five different jobs, currently employed with the fifth. For each job I had stayed for at least 2 years, sometimes overlapping. Each time that I left a job for one reason or another, I was able to provide notices well ahead of time, rather it was relocating or finding a better paying position. With each group, there was an adjourning phase and within that phase there was a termination ritual of some sort. In one case where we gathered to celebrate our achievements and relationships developed during our time together, my job through me a surprise going away party. I had worked within the Health Services program of my college since late in my freshman year of school and throughout college. During that time, I made a lot of life long lasting relationships. As the youngest employee within the office, I was able to take in a lot from the people around me. Working within the program was a great overall experience and I hated leaving, but I knew it was time to spread my wings. It was really hard to leave this group in particular, but they were very supportive and we all kept in touch well after I left, even up to now. The adjourning phase was necessary for this situation, because during out termination ritual, I was reassured that they had my best interest at heart. They were able to provide words of encouragement and shed light on the skills and assets they felt I brought to the table, which helped to build my self-confidence.

Nonviolent Communication and Conflict Managemen

A conflict that I am currently experiencing is a struggle with grades. For the last year and a half, I have had custody of my niece, now 14, and my nephew, soon to be 12. My nephew is currently in the 7th grade, but last year, his first year in middle school, he struggled a bit. It was my belief that he was trying to find his way in a new school setting, with new teachers and more advanced requirements. It was rough at first, but he made it through the school year passing all of his courses with a B average and passing all of his required state required testing as well. This year, he is doing awesome academically, it is still very early on, but I have faith that he will finish strong. My niece on the other hand, is more social and has always struggled academically. Last year she made it out of the eighth grade by the skin of her teeth and even had to retake some of her state required testing to be promoted to the ninth grade. She is now struggling in the ninth grade and though it is still early, I want her to understand the importance of getting good grades in the beginning and keeping them up because it is hard to pull up failing grades. I want to consider the fact that her brother struggled his first year in middle school and this is her first year in high school. The only issue with that is their two very different children with too different drives. She is showing improvement, staying after school, completing extra credit assignments, but I just want her to understand the idea that it is so much easier if you get it right the first time around. I have tried everything from getting her a tutor to grounding her from her cell phone. She is a very sweet, very mannerable child, but I need her to understand how important her education is and push her to value that. Within our conflict, I am always sure to communicate to her how I feel about her grades, I congratulate her on her progress, but I also stress to her that I want her to understand why her grades should be more important to her than they are to me. I am sure to communicate to her that I believe in her and what she is capable of, but this conflict is one that I cannot wait to wave goodbye to.

Is Your Communication Effective?

I took the time to use this evaluation as a fun exercise for my husband and my close coworker. My husband was reluctant, but I really wanted to know the results. To both our surprise, he ranked me just as I ranked myself. We were a few points off here and there, but still fell within the same category on each skills test. It made me feel as though we were on the same page in regards to my communication skills and it made me feel as though I am effectively communicating with him as we should. We plan to complete the assessment on him for fun. My coworker’s assessment of me was also very similar to my own. We work very closely with one another and I feel as though she knows me pretty well. Our results, were also dead on. Her results helped me to realize that though I may use different channels of communication in different situations, I am still the same in many ways. Both my husband and my coworker helped me to realize that I am pretty consistent with the way that I communicate. I would like to strive to be even better and even more effective within my home, my workplace and my community.

Communication within Diverse Cultural Settings

When I think of the diverse cultures that I regularly encounter, and look into my behavior within these cultures, I do believe that my behavior changes, to some extent depending on the culture. When I am with people who are not within my culture, i.e., my religion, my traditions, my ethnicity, my profession, I feel that I am guarded and very cautious of my actions and the message I convey be it verbal or nonverbal. In many cases, I am guarded because I want to be a positive reflection of my culture. Most specifically, my African American culture. This is important to me because though culture is about more than my race or color, it is the most obvious at first glance. In so many cases I believe that people often get the wrong perception of my African American culture, so whenever I encounter someone new I feel obligated to show people that we are so much more than our common stereotypes and misperceptions. After a few encounters though, I feel that a person knows me well enough to no longer even consider the typical stereotypes and appreciate me more as an individual. In regards to my effectively communicating, I am learning more and more how important it is to listen, not only to respond, but to actual hear and receive the message that is being delivered. I plan to be more conscious of this concept. Though I believe I speak pretty well, it is important to appreciate the role of listener. This stands out to me a lot because in so many cases, I am listening, hearing the context of the conversation, then considering schemas that have developed along the way, assuming that I know the outcome and that is not the way effective communicators, listen. I am working to focus more within a conversation on what is being said right then rather than the similar stories I may have heard in the past.

Interpreting Communication

This past Friday, as my husband sat down to watch one of his shows, I had a chance to take a break from my typical list of things to do and sit down to watch a round with him. While getting settled before the show started, my one year old found the remote and decided we should watch a different show Extreme Fear Factor: Siblings. (Impromptu movie night with our one year old, this is the life!) Since the show was new to the both of us, I thought what a perfect time to make my observation of the way we interpret nonverbal communication. We watched the show without audio and it was actually pretty neat, these were my observations!

**Without audio**

-Three sets of sibling pairs: two males, two females and one male and one female

-I could not have made a definite call on how the individuals were related, but it is evident that they are familiar with one another and came into the show together, or have really strong chemistry

-competitions are fierce, but the pairs are at least attempting the challenges

-the pairs are real team players cheering one another on; they are jumping up and down cheering one another on

-[Sidebar: What the heck are they supposed to be doing with that?!?!?]

**With audio**

Had my husband, not told me the relation between the pairs, I definitely would not have been able to determine that these people were siblings. Though some of them were same sex, they could have very well have been affectionate, but not over the top, couples. Something that tickled me about watching with audio vs. without audio was the fact that I believed the other teams were cheering them on, when in reality, they were cheering for them to quit so they would have a better chance at winning the $50k cash prize. Though I knew there was a reward of some sort attached to the challenge, had I known there was a $50, 000 reward, I probably would have developed a scenario other than them cheering one another on.

After completing the assignment, I have come to better understand the way that our perception of a person or situation can change based on our level of familiarity. When I have encountered a person or situation on multiple occasions, I have a more accurate perspective of what to expect and how to handle certain situations, but it is not always that simple. We have to be aware that not every person or situation will be the same, and it does not benefit anyone when we make assumptions and treat people based on those assumptions. We have to remain open minded to receiving the message being delivered.